Whew... A Not So Happy Ending!

Hoi An, Vietnam

June 17, 2007
N 15°53.883
E 108°21.965

Bob raved about the facial, massage and shave he had at a little “spa” near our hotel; he was so relaxed Teddy and I figured we had to have at least a neck and shoulder massage. Bob escorted us to the spa and introduced us to his friends and explained “same, same” for Teddy and I.

We were handed a towel and told to take everything off, but since we were only having our back and shoulders done, or so we thought, we left on our bathing suit bottoms. We came back out, climbed up on the table face-up and Bob’s crew started in on a very relaxing facial. A refreshing cold towel, smelling of fresh cucumber, was placed on my face, instantly cooling me off. This is nice we thought, nice and relaxing.

Next, the young Vietnamese boys, neither weighing more than 90 pounds, did a great job massaging our pectoral muscles, but at times getting a little too close to my big bigs for my comfort. I knew Teddy was a little skeptical since she isn’t big on massages to begin with… plus I was a little confused why my boobs needed massaging when we were only supposed to have our back and shoulders done. After about 15-20 minutes the young boys told us to flip over on our stomachs.

This is when things started to get a little bizarre for my liking. After a thorough gluteus massage, the kid climbed up on the table and stood on my butt. He teetered with one foot on my boot and used the other foot to massage my shoulders. I guess this was better than his hands since he had one long thumb-nail that would occasionally scratch my skin when massaging my shoulders with his petite hands.

The circus act was just a warm up for what was next. He continued with the buttock massage, but it was more like a shaking action… right on my tailbone. As my boot started shimmying I squeezed my cheeks together, not sure if this was supposed to be some sexual thing—I sure the hell hope not, but my quick gluteal reaction stopped him in his tracks, almost bouncing him off the table.

It was all just getting more bizarre by the minute and I finally made an effort to look over my shoulder to see exactly what the little gnat was doing on my back. I looked back and the guy was straddling my thighs, hands on my butt, shaking it in a gyrating motion, but now had a towel over his head. Again, I tensed up the cheeks and he stopped, I peeked over at Teddy lying next to me to see if she was okay with this motion and I could tell from the look of horror on her face, she was not enjoying the performance!

Luckily, the kids quickly wrapped up the massage; we paid and got the hell out of there. We laughed the whole way home, not sure what the whole act was about, but we were happy to share the story with Bob, Elise and Marc. I know we weren’t looking for a happy ending and we didn’t get one!